So it’s recently come to my attention that I’ve been majorly slacking in this blog.
I saw this blog as just another platform for contacting me and for gaining access to some of my better known my poetry – basically as a promotional tool. Because, honestly, posting actual blogs discussing real things just seems scary – for many reasons. For one thing, I’m scared of people judging me – especially writing that hasn’t been edited a bazillion times like all of my poetry. I’ve also struggled with feeling like I have the authority to say anything – that my voice actually matters (a common struggle with many Pacific Islanders, and with women in general). Every time I write I always hear some jerk in the back of my mind going, “But who are you to be saying this? What gives you that right? Just what do you know?”
This might sound weird, considering I’ve uploaded poetry videos and published articles with what looks like relatively little problem. But those have all been through several processes of editing and hours, days, months, years of consideration. A blog post seems more “in the moment” – it’s like opening up your journal for the entire world to see. People can track what you’re actually writing and compare your posts with previous posts and analyze you and exclaim “Aha! But you said something different in this post!” or “Somebody was feeling depressed in this post,” or “You’re really not all that deep are you?” or “You sound like an idiot in this other post!”
Sigh. So yeah. (end of paranoid rant) But- hey – writing is what I love. It’s my life, and there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s what I wanna do for the rest of my life. And I’m tired of apologizing for it – tired of apologizing for being me, for taking up space, for being too loud, too angry, too vulnerable, too vocal. I’m over it.
So without too much pomp and circumstance, I’m just gonna dive in and try my best to start posting somewhat regularly about my current writing process. Because, as the opening page of this blog suggests, this blog is my attempt to track my journey with my manuscript and writing. Because this is actually happening. This isn’t just me going around saying – “Hey look at me I’m working on a manuscript!” when in real life I’m actually just watching Avatar The Legend of Korra and eating cookies (although that’s happening too). The truth is that I’m working on my manuscript and working on my portfolio for my master’s in Pacific Island Studies at UH Manoa. And I’m planning on using a part of this portfolio to finish my collection of poetry.
To be real, it’s been rough going. And I’m not sure what it’s going to look like or if I’ll even finish this year. But it’s all a process. And why not share that process?
So, without further ado, here is a really rough and basic abstract of the research I’m currently working on:
Abstract of Portfolio (September 9, 2013)
In a 1975 interview with anthropologist Jack Tobin, ri-bwebwenato or storyteller Jelibor Jam from Kwajalein tells the story of the beginning of the world or “Jinoin Lal In”, complete with the tattooing and marking of the first sea creatures and the teachings from the first woman, or Jined Ilo Kobo, as she is referred to in the story. But before Jam begins his story he starts with this preface: “This is the longest and most important story in the Marshall Islands. Old people know it. But the young people do not know it. They are not interested. They only want the knowledge of the white man.”
In just a few blunt lines Jam speaks on the fears of Marshallese elders today: that traditional Marshallese knowledge and ways of life, our mantin majol, is dying out as fewer Marshallese invest in oral traditions.
I would like to speak back to this narrative, and politely challenge it. As a young Marshallese born and raised away from my home islands, my perspective and even my art form has been influenced by western ways of being and knowing. However, I crave a deeper connection to my culture, because I feel that connecting and understanding my culture is in a sense coming to terms and understanding my history and myself.
The intent of this portfolio is to revisit my islands, to find that connection through the study of the oral traditions of my ancestors, and to trace the genealogy of storytelling and expression from the oral to the written word.
This will be achieved in a number of ways: interviews with at least six recognized experts on chanting and storytelling is the initial step. I will then present the findings from the interviews – how definitions align, how the different forms dialogue with one another, and what these forms looked like in the past and how they are used today. Then I will track the history of writing – from the first introduction of writing to rimajol by missionaries, to the first printing press, the first newspapers, our national anthems, our famous speeches and the first publication – basically as much writing by rimajol that I can find.
The second part of the portfolio will be entirely creative. From the findings and the interviews, I will produce new poetry and reflections based on these interviews and this research to reshape and re-present these traditions in the context of a 21st century Marshallese woman raised in the diaspora. Through the use of “ethnographic poetry” I hope to re-present these stories and this history in a new form, to explain my own personal relationship to these texts, and to continue the tradition of storytelling.
